Thanatopsis
by Apollaskywalker
Summary: The Cullen family meets a girl named Avril. She's gifted and facing the choice of life or death. Rated T for langauge and to be safe for the future.
1. New Kids

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!! Nothing! Nada! Because I don't own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse DON'T SUE! I MAKE NO MONEY OFF THIS WHATSOEVER!!!**

Chapter One Class and New Kids

The sweet, blessed, joyful sound of the bell rang throughout the school. This bell was by far the second sweetest bell in the whole day. It was the sound that ended math class. I was so happy to be out of that darn class! It was almost like…well, there is no description to properly describe to you how that bell brings my heart to the point of happiness, absolute bliss. Who ever said ignorance is bliss has obviously not had math class! They saying is 'the end of math class is bliss' thank you very much!

I hurried out of the class, grabbing my stuff and running like my life depended on it. In my hurry, I joined the throng of students on their way to their next class. I pulled out my work for Biology so I could turn it in. And as I did that I walked smack into another person.

"Aw, God dammit!" I cursed as papers, books, and writing implements went flying everywhere.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Avril," my high school's counselor said in a low tone.

_Fuck_, I thought. But I merely nodded and worked on gathering the scattered papers. "Sorry," I said and then accepted the sheets of paper that the person who I'd run into had collected. The hand was completely white, and the tendons of the arm stood out. I nearly gaped. "Thanks," I said when I was done following the muscles in his forearm up to his biceps. Dear Lord, this was like…Arnold Schwarzennegger! Only better looking!!!

"Avril, these are Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper."

All one family? Yes I could see it-pale skin, same color eyes, all breathtaking…but no, they just had too different of body structures and differences in their appearance that could not be explained away.

One girl had long flowing hair that reached the middle of her back. And her hair was BLONDE!!! It looked like…a dye job for perfection only natural. Her eyes were a soft topaz-like the one on my necklace that my mom gave me for my sixteenth birthday. She was tall, about three inches taller than me. That pissed me off, I hate it when girls are taller than me, I don't like looking up to them. She was pale too. And she was breathtakingly beautiful. I felt hideous.

No amount of mom and dad's "you're beautiful, honey" could cure me this time.

Another girl was just an inch shorter than I was, she had long brown hair but I could detect reddish highlights. She too had topaz eyes and pale skin. She was the most average looking of them all.

The third girl was small, teeny tiny. She was under five foot. Her dark hair was spikey and in random directions-but it looked great. She was lithe but you could tell she was strong. I smiled tentatively at her. She smiled back at me with warm eyes.

Then I allowed myself to look at the boys. _Oh My Gawd!!!_ It was an eye candy feast! A total solar blast of hotness! A smorgasbord of good looking guys...

And I could have gazed on that forever!

The tallest was about six foot five. He had dark curly hair that just begged for a girl to run her fingers through it. Oh my, I was acting like some freaky girl from a romance novel!! He was muscular-he was the one who'd given me my papers back. He grinned at me and his teeth flashed in the light. I was momentarily dazed.

Then my gaze slid to the next. He was lean but his muscularity could not be denied. He had blonde hair and topaz eyes. He was good looking, but not as good looking as the first. He had a gentle smile and for a moment I felt strange...I was happy, not concerned about getting to Bio…that was odd.

The last was the youngest, maybe about my age. He had hair like mine-the coppery color in the sun, only his didn't need the sun. His hair was earlobe length and he had a strong jaw with a pointed nose. His topaz eyes glinted with a secret. I wasn't sure which was which, but he struck me as an Edward.

"Hello," I said, "Sorry about bumping into you." The bell rang it's shrill sound and I mentally cursed again. "Can you give me a pass?" I asked the counselor in a pleading tone. Amazed not to feel too worried.

"I can do better!" he chirped in his voice. My old friend used to say 'He's _fabulous_' before she moved away. "I'll take you, Alice, Bella, Edward, and Jasper to Biology right away! They're in your grade, Avril, you know."

"No, I didn't know," I grumbled, "I just met them." He appraised me with one eyebrow raised and I fought back the fury, keeping my eyes away from them. I knew what he was thinking and I wished he wouldn't.

But it was inevitable, I knew that. However we marched to Biology and went in. I found my seat and then they took theirs after introductions. I was right about the Edward looking guy, that was Edward. The good looking one but not too muscular one was Jasper. The short girl was Alice, and the girl only one inch shorter than me was Bella.

After I finished my work I cast a glance at them. Most everyone was staring at them, they were so blatantly beautiful. Then it swept me up. I closed my eyes and fought back, gripping the desk with both hands.

A little boy stood on a porch of an old house, and it was old…like a I don't, it just looked old fashioned! The next thing I saw was a battle. It was a confederate vs union and I saw the color guards duking it out with their flags being used as swords. Then I felt the sharp feeling of teeth on my skin and such a terrible agony that I started crying. I couldn't stop as I caught the image and heard the sounds and tasted the taste of blood and death and carnage. Then I found relief when Alice stumbled into the picture. Next I saw the family with two others. A hotel in Phoenix, AZ…tearing someone to shreds and burning them…fear when Alice said that Edward…Edward was trying to die? That made no sense to me, but it didn't stop. Images kept coming and going…I couldn't stop crying.

My teacher hurried over, "Avril! Avril! AVRIL!!" She shook me and for a moment the world came crashing down back to normal. Then it started up again.

This time, I saw Alice's past. Then Bella's. Then Edward's.

It all hurt. The sheer agony they'd all experienced was too much. I couldn't _bear_ it. I laid my head down while some sympathetic student hurried over to the my teacher's supply cabinet and got me a bottle of water and some pain killers. She doesn't care if we go in there just so long as we leave the stuff in order. I swallowed the pain killers and laid my head back down. Then the bell rang and I hurried out to join the lunch crowd. I stuffed my books back in my locker and grabbed my lunch.

My school is relatively small. So they didn't think that six kids would warrant their own table. But there they stood, all six of them, looking uncomfortable. Graciously, I walked over to them, "Would you like to sit at my table?"

Part of me was begging for them to say no. I didn't want to see their past anymore, I'm sure, than they wanted me to see theirs. But instead they followed me to the table and they didn't eat anything. Curious I asked, "Aren't you hungry?"

"No," they answered. It was odd, even though I didn't want to I found myself wishing I was their friend. Before Emmett's past hit me.

And then I was struggling against the tumult of pictures and smells, the tastes and the sounds…

It lasted about five minutes before Rosalie's entered my head. I laid my head on the cool table top and waited for the pain to pass. A cool hand touched my head, "Are you all right?"

"Fine," I spoke a little too harshly. I couldn't exactly help it, I was in pain. The cool fingers found my forehead. I pulled away. I don't like to be touched. People who touch you literally get close to you and then eventually they become your friends. Then they leave you.

Oooh, big surprise. And yes, that was sarcasm dripping from my voice.

I looked up into the worried eyes of Alice Cullen. "What do you see?"

"How do you know I'm seeing things?" I asked, startled. Alice smiled her pixie smile.

"I'm gifted too," she said warmly. "I see things as well."

I looked around the table, the rest had left. "Why'd they go?"

She smirked, "They went off to find something to do. No doubt Jasper and Emmett are arm wrestling or something." She frowned, "I do hope Rose, Bella, and Edward are behaving."

"Don't they get along?"

Alice nodded but then she looked troubled. She stood with ease, up from her seat in an instant. She hurried out into the hallway and I grabbed my lunch bag and threw it away, hurrying out after her with my juice, way too curious for my own good.

I couldn't find her. Somehow in those two seconds, she'd disappeared entirely from my line of sight and in the hallway, I found myself lost.

Then I remembered something from Bella's past-riding on Edward's back. They had been able to run over five miles in a matter of…well, complete insanity. For a moment I was stunned by what I saw in my mind. I couldn't believe it…no one could run that fast.

Could they?

_Author's Note: I was thinking about continuing. Should I? Review if you think so! Anyway, um, Thanatopsis is a Greek word for 'meditation on death'. I have a reason for that title too. If I continue, I'll explain it in the later chapters. Apollaskywalker_


	2. Alice

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse or South Park. Anything that did not come from my imagination I DO NOT OWN. I AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF THIS! PUT THE PHONE DOWN, YOU CAN'T CALL YOUR LAWYER WHEN I HAVE THIS THING CALLED A DISCLAIMER SAYING THAT I DO NOT OWN/MAKE MONEY OFF THIS! Why do you think it's on fanfiction?? Seriously, don't own anything, just having fun.

Author's Note: Thanks to those who reviewed. I know this chapter is a little fast (after all, it took over a week for Edward to even talk to Bella) and that the Cullens would normally avoid people, but Avril's case is a little special. Enjoy!!

Chapter Two: Alice

I got off the bus, fervently wishing that I had a car. I had my license, it was the car that I didn't have. Though, if truth be told, I would like a nice car. Maybe that was my problem. I wasn't willing to settle for what I could afford.

My orange tabby wound himself about my feet before plopping unceremoniously onto the wet ground. I grimaced at the rain. "Why are you out here, you crazy cat!" I grumbled, fumbling for my key. He meowed at me and waited until I opened the door for him. He ran in, shaking the water from his fur. I stooped down and petted him; he was such an adorable creature. I'd named him Butterscotch, but my dad was the one who'd shortened it down to Butters. Since then he'd brought in a dog and I'd given him the name Cartman because he was always picking on poor Butters just like in _South Park_.

I set my messenger bag on the chair in the living room and hurried off to get a snack. Attached to the refrigerator via a magnet was a note from my mom.

_Avril-_

_Dad and I had a doctor's appointment. Brown the pork chops and then stick them in a glass bowl with barbecue sauce and then bake them at 350._

_We'll be home soon._

_-Mom_

I rolled my eyes and sorted through the mail as I chewed on the Popsicle I'd found in the freezer. I found a letter for me and I opened it. It turned out to be just some junk mail though, and I tossed it aside. I hurried to work on the food like my mom had requested of me.

I enjoy cooking food; I find it highly enjoyable and calming. So while I browned the pork chops I turned on the radio and jammed to music. I danced while I stabbed the meat with a fork. Jumping up and down to the beat.

I love music. It's the beat of my life and the one thing that I have that's constantly available to me.

The next morning mom dropped me off at school. I hurried out when I saw the new kids' cars. There was a shiny Volvo and a bright yellow car. The word Turbo was written on it, which was the model. I stared at the car and before I realized it, Alice was standing next to me. "You like it?"

"That's _yours_?" I asked in awe.

She nodded, "Edward got it for me for Christmas. It's a Porsche 911 Turbo."

I felt so poor, so below her league that it didn't make sense for her to talk to me. I felt the familiar pang of wanting friends. It filled me with a longing for acceptance where I wouldn't have to worry about hurting people.

Alice smiled her smile and I continued, "Yeah, I like it. You must be rich."

She said in her chime like voice, "Carlisle's a doctor."

But did that explain why Edward's allowance was so huge? If he could afford to buy one present that size, was his allowance about $100 a week? Mine was only about fifteen.

Alice was watching me as I contemplated her brother's spending habits. "I don't normally do this," she said softly, "but would you like to go shopping with me this Friday?"

I turned in surprise, "Sure…why?"

She took my hand and dragged me into the school, either she was cold from the rain or she thought I was. Her hand was like ice. "You seem to need someone. I'd like to get to know you." Whoa, this was fast. Normally when I wanted to hang out with someone or be friends with people it took weeks for them to even say 'hi'.

Jasper was leaning against his locker, waiting for Alice, I think. He saw me and nodded once. Edward was locked in an arm wrestle with Emmett who looked like he was bored. Rosalie had her compact out and was inspecting her perfect face. Bella smiled warmly at me.

I was surprised by how they all moved. Even the boys had grace. Lion like or like a big cat, the girls were like deer or dancers moving with poise and dignity. Their movements were precise; each single twitch was carefully executed with precision. I felt pathetic next to them. Almost as though I was an ant-a deformed ant, one that some five year old child had torn off one leg to see it squirm, that was how I felt. It was as if someone had ripped off my leg-well, humanity's leg because there was no way that any normal human being could stand up to their beauty and grace. They were absolutely ethereal.

I watched as Edward gave up and let his hand fall onto the table. Jasper chuckled low in his throat.

Bella pulled out a torn copy of _Wuthering Heights_ and a gasp escaped my lips. She looked up at me and a floodgate opened. "How could you? That poor book! Let me see that!" I cried, taking it from her grasp and examining the binding. I hugged the paperback to my breast, "Do you know how abused this is??"

"No, it's very well loved."

Edward scoffed at that. And I looked at her, "Would you like me to buy you a new one? All of my books are loved but if I had one like this…" I shuddered. Then the bell rang and we hurried off to class.

I was surprised to see that I had my first hour with Alice. "You're taking advanced literature?" I asked her.

She nodded, "Bella prefers English literature, although she could've taken it and Edward prefers to stick with her." She smirked at something that I did not understand.

I sat down at my desk and Alice took the seat next to me. A tremor of happiness went through my stomach. It was the first time in months that anyone had sat next to me. And then I realized that it was cruel to do this to her.

I would be gone soon. Nothing in the world could not save me. Then I remembered something, "You said Carlisle was a doctor," Alice nodded, her golden eyes on me, "who's Carlisle?"

"He's our adoptive father." Alice explained. Then we began to chat about where they'd lived previously. She said Forks and I spoke, "Was it very green there?"

She looked surprised, which was odd. I hadn't thought surprise capable of her; I'd never seen her surprised once in her past.

"Yes…it was," she studied my face, but I turned to the packet of poems that we'd been handed. I flipped by some poems by Bryant, some by Poe (the ones that weren't as famous) and then I found an excerpt from Virgil's works. "What's your favorite poem?" She asked me.

"Uh…" I thought for a while, "I never really had a favorite. I guess _To a Waterfowl_…"

---

Shopping with Alice was insane. That girl does_ not_ understand that the phrase 'shop till you drop' doesn't necessarily mean that. I swear to you that she has no limit on that credit card she has. She forced me to try things on I would normally never ever try on. I should have been scandalized at the tops I tried on as they were much too provocative for me to even think about wearing!

But you know what?

I had a friend and I was ecstatic. I wasn't alone anymore, so I didn't care about the clothes! Alice seemed to think that fun was spending gazillions on things you would only wear once. I felt like a pauper when she was in charge of shopping.

I had only brought about fifty dollars and one credit card that had a maximum of one hundred which was supposed to be in dire emergencies only. And believe me, the whole 'there was a new book out that I would die if I didn't have' doesn't work on my parents. I've tried it.

I got grounded for it.

But this time, when I stopped Alice seemed to just pick up on what I wanted. In all honesty, when I'd seen her past, I hadn't seen her as giving as this.

"You said you saw things," I said when we were in the café, I had a bottle of water and we were looking at magazines. "What did you see about me?"

Alice watched me as I sipped from my water. Then she said in a soft voice, "What did you see about us?"

I set my water bottle back on the table and folded my arms across my chest.

We sat like that for a long time, just watching each other. Neither of us was willing to divulge what we'd seen of the other, though we knew it was probably the other's business. Finally Alice spoke.

"I saw you and I being friends."

"I saw you in pain."

That wasn't all and we both knew it. She saw something else of me; I knew something else of her. But I couldn't exactly say what I saw because I _didn't understand_ it. What agony had they all shared? What made them all so beautiful and graceful? Alice and I didn't speak until we got back in the car. I was still jealous of that car!

"So what music do you listen to?"

"I listen to all except country," I said, "I like happy music." I'd had enough sadness. I pulled my purse up on my lap, and as I did routinely, inhaled from my inhaler. Alice watched me.

"You feel ok?"

"Yeah," I said in surprise, "I just have asthma." Thank God that wouldn't kill me. Not that I had to worry about what would kill me. That I already knew.


	3. Doctor

Disclaimer: _I don't own anything_. Nothing that you know to be copyrighted is mine. Let's see, I don't own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse (wish I did though, then I could have Edward ha ha!) Don't own Nightlife by Rob Thurman (great book-read it, it's great!) Don't own Parenting, McDonald's (does that count as a copy right? Anyway, I don't own it) don't own The Outsiders...nada, nothing is mine. Just having fun. Enjoy!!

Chapter Three: Doctor

Somehow, Emmett Cullen ended up being in my gym class. In all honesty, I didn't see how that was possible. I was a sophomore, he was a junior. And he looked like he had the brawn to have had passed gym class the first time around. Unfortunately for me, gym was a two year class. Emmett looked like his day had been made by this fact.

We were supposed to be playing soccer. Supposed to being the key word. I was shredding grass, my inhaler not far away from me. My asthma was a blessing when it came to gym class-I got out of so many things.

The other kids were playing. Emmett was having a ball, literally. He stole the soccer ball so often, scored at least fifty times. By the time gym was halfway over all the kids on the opposite team were glaring at the other, wishing to be on theirs. And Emmett just stood there, grinning when they decided to have a rematch. He jogged over to me. "Heard you went shopping with Alice." I nodded. "Brave of you," he commented.

I rolled my eyes and returned to my book. It was _Nightlife_ by Rob Thurman. A really good book, I was just to the part after Cal, Niko, and Robin have a drink, so it was close to the good part. Emmett looked back at the teams who were arguing. "For your information," I said suddenly, not sure why I was talking, "shopping with Alice isn't scary at all."

He laughed, a booming laugh that made my ears hurt. "I think it is, Rose has told me all about the horrors. At least, they sound like horrors to me."

I shook my head, "No, not horrors."

I was so confused as to why he was standing there. It wasn't like we had much-if anything-in common. I doubted we shared similar tastes, and our abilities probably were off balanced.

I was relieved when I could go home. I made my way to the bus without anyone bugging me and without any chatting. I found myself a good spot in the back and put my headphones on. I closed my eyes and waited for the bus to lurch forward. When it did I suddenly dreaded getting home.

I had a doctor's appointment. Goody for me. NOT! I turned up the volume on my mp3 player to drown out my own self pity and chatting of the many children on the bus. When I arrived at my stop I hurried off and into my house.

"Avril?" my mom called, she walked out of the kitchen and watched me drop my book bag off at the cubbies she has in the entryway.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ready to go?"

Ugh, no way in hell! But it wasn't like putting it off would do any good. So I nodded and headed out to our family car. My mom placed her purse in between the seats and started the car. I fiddled with the radio dial until I found a rock station. I didn't think I could handle pop music-too happy or too depressed. And I _can't_ stand country music. It's just so…_twangy_ to me.

My mom looked at me and her eyes seemed to be too sad. I groaned, thinking about dad again. They weren't getting along and that wasn't good. You know how sometimes parents stay together just for the kids? I could tell they were headed for a divorce.

When we got to the doctor's we sat in the waiting room. I flipped through last year's November edition of Parenting. I swear to God, it is so ridiculous about how they never have any good magazines, not to mention RECENT!!!

"Avril?" the nurse called. There was no need for last names, how many kids do you know named Avril? I did see a few people crane their necks, looking for Avril Lavigne. LOL, people are so weird, do they honestly not notice things? Such as the fact that there are no celebrities in the waiting room?

"Hello, Avril," Doctor Michael McDonald said as he entered the room. I looked up at him. He had thick red hair and I often found that ironic and extremely funny.

"Hey, Ronald," I said. He smirked and sat down. He looked at all the tests the nurses had run prior to him getting in the room.

"How do you feel?"

"Terrific, did I tell you I maxed out a credit card?" I said sarcastically. Then I continued, "Oh, and the people at Barnes & Noble are going to send me a huge basket of flowers at my funeral, they're going to miss me so much."

He grimaced, "Are you always this sarcastic?"

"I don't know, you tell me." Dr. McDonald sighed and looked through his charts again.

"Prognosis is still the same…"

"The end of the year," I muttered angrily. "I'll die at the end of the school year. It's rapidly approaching. This is not fair!"

"I know, but terminal cancer sometimes are-"

"Why do I even have to come here?" I asked, cutting him off. "If I'm going to die why bother?"

I hated that. I was too young to die. Too young…too young…

I was reminded of Johnny Cade dying at sixteen and Dally dying at seventeen. I remembered all the books that would come out after my death. The movies…the places I wanted to go…

"Do you think…in heaven…God has a library?" I said softly.

Dr. McDonald's face softened, "I'm sure they do."


	4. Brownies

Disclaimer: Let's see...I don't own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse or MCR or Renfey (never heard of her? Go check her music out!!) I don't own Fall Out Boy either. I don't know if I have to say I don't own the singers because I just mentioned them...huh, well, just to be safe!! This is all for fun! So enjoy:)

Chapter Four-Brownies

My mom drove by a garage sale. She just had to pull in. She's an antique collector and so she dragged me out of the car with the whole, "Oh, just look, it's not going to kill you."

I figured I'd better not respond to that, I'd probably get grounded and that would just make like a whole heck of a lot more unfair. So I turned my mp3 player up and went on to looking. I went over to the book section, being the bibliophile that I am. And I flipped through the norm that you find: romances, worn out sci-fi, and then I found an old book. And I do mean old.

I opened the cover and saw flourishing handwriting scrawling the date-back in 1918. And being the history freak that I am, I recognized that it started two weeks before the Influenza epidemic of that same year. The first thing I noticed was that the woman's name was Elizabeth Masen.

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I went over and bought it. The woman who took my money looked up at me and sighed, "That was in the house when my ancestors wanted to buy it, but the owner never got in touch with my family. From what I understand my great-however many greats-aunt Cora found the journal and we've had it ever since. I've never read it, I always thought reading someone's private thoughts is a terrible act!"

I just shrugged and wandered over to the car and opened it up, cranking the window down. If she thought it was such a heinous thing to do-why sell it and not burn it?

I put my feet up on the dash board, knowing I would get an exasperated look from my mother. I opened the book to the first entry and began to read.

_Edward bought this for me. I wonder how he knew I'd finished my other journal. My darling Edward is so sensitive I sometimes worry about him! Oh, he does well enough in sports, but I fear his classmates tease him because he plays the piano and is so gentle! I worry about him, which makes my dear husband laugh. He's so certain that Edward will be perfectly fine._

_He certainly is gifted. Why right now he's playing some Bach on the piano that my husband's father had gotten for his wife. She passed it onto Edward, may her soul rest in peace. I love listening to Edward's playing, he's becoming quite the musician! _

_My Edward's only seventeen and the war is still going on! Oh, I'm so worried that they will draft him! How can I lose my only son? I fear that Edward won't be good for the army either, how can such a kind and sensitive soul kill those who he does not know? _

I looked up from Elizabeth's journal at my mom who'd found an old vase. She set it carefully in the back and got back in the car, giving me her 'see? It wasn't too bad was it?' look. I went back to the diary.

School was weird. The Cullens/Hales were attracting a lot of attention. Not that I really cared, it was kind of obvious that people _that_ good looking were going to get noticed.

Rosalie was leaning against Emmett as a girl questioned her about her choice of eyeliner. Rosalie just stared at the girl as the girl listed off the pros and cons of Maybelline versus some other kind. Finally the girl gave up and wandered back to her own crowd.

"Kinda harsh, don't you think, Rosalie?" I asked.

She merely gave me this 'who-do-_you_-think-you-are-to-question-_me_' look.

I flung my hands up in the air and looked over at Bella who was kissing Edward. I shut my eyes and turned to look at my locker-

But Alice was smiling warmly at me, already there. "Hey, Avril," she said smiling warmly, before darting to kiss my cheek. Her lips were cold. "How are you today?"

I shrugged, "I'm ok."

Jasper handed Alice her books from her locker and Alice thanked him. I looked at her lion-like boyfriend, he grinned at me with a cautious look and suddenly I realized something.

"What day is it?"

He told me and I frowned, "Oh, man, I gotta cook brownies for the school bake sale!"

For some odd reason, the Cullens/Hales came to my house. Butters meowed and hissed when I let them in. Bella held up a bag and so did Alice, "We brought you stuff to help for the bake sale!"

I brushed my hair out of my face and gestured for them to find their way into the kitchen. It was a good thing my mom liked to cook-all of us fit in the massive room. I still couldn't believe that they were actually baking-it looked so out of place. Who'd've thought that people who were that gorgeous would cook?

Butters screamed at me-how dare I let strangers in to cook in my house? He meowed and hissed at Edward, glared at Rosalie, and pouted as he jumped up on the freezer-pushing the pile of mail off.

I reached up to pet my kitty, "What's gotten into you?" I asked. He ignored me. I shrugged and went back to mixing cookie dough.

Jasper and Emmett were working on a cake mix and rereading the instructions, their voices sounding more and more incredulous as they read each line.

Edward rolled his eyes and helped Bella. They seemed to be more relaxed about cooling than anyone else-except Alice.

She had flour in her hair and was laughing as she had fun. I turned up my radio to my favorite station-it was one that mixed oldies with new songs.

I squealed with delight as a My Chemical Romance song came on and I turned it up. Edward sang along with me and the radio as I stirred the mixture. I wasn't surprised that he knew the MCR song-a lot of people know "Welcome to the Black Parade", but I was surprised when the next song was from, like, the forties and he sang along with that one too-his voice better than the singer's!

Bella looked at him as she picked up the cookie sheet. "Edward, maybe you should ask before you start singing."

I realized I was gawking, and shook my head, "No, no, it's fine…I just…didn't realize anyone aside from me liked music from the oldies."

Emmett laughed a booming laugh. "Edward loves music," he said.

Edward shrugged, "Really?" I asked. "I do too, what are your favorite bands?"

He went on to list several indie rock groups I'd never heard of as well as quite a few that I did.

I was startled when he mentioned 'Renfey.' "You know Renfey?" I asked. "I love 'Right Here' and 'Over Occupation'!" I gushed and then realized I was doing the whole 'fan-freak-out' thing that I normally detest.

He smiled at me, though, and then looked thoughtful and he and Alice shared a look. "Does your mom let you have visitors without her permission, frequently?"

I scowled as I heard the car pull up, "What's she gonna do? Ground me?"

I didn't think of much else until they walked through the door.

"How could you do this to me?!" my mother wailed.

"Oh, like you don't have a boyfriend yourself!" my father snapped back. My stomach sank down to my toes and I felt my face flush. It was one thing to know your parents could barely stand each other any more. It was quite another thing to hear it and hear it with about six people who probably had stereotypical wonderful lives. I wanted to sink through the floor.

A cold, hard hand touched my shoulder and I looked up into Jasper's eyes. I felt my anxiety fade a bit.

I didn't know how to salvage the rest of the baking session so I told them all I'd handle it and they left silently. Edward stopped and told me, "It'll be all right."

Alice kissed my cheek and they disappeared into the twilight.

I crept up to my room after turning off my music and finishing the dishes. I packed the food in their boxes and put them in my mom's car. When I was in my room, I lay on the floor and found my CD/Radio/Tape player's remote. Then I turned the electronic gift from God on and lay there listening to Fall Out Boy for about half the CD before I could even move more. Then when I did move, I realized why I'd been so scared to twitch.

I was lying right next to the air duct and could hear my parents' arguing voices. I caught the gist of it.

The four main problems were:

1. Money

2. Lovers/affairs they were having

3. Lack of talk and neither could stand each other anymore

and 4. Me

Oh, it sucked, don't let any other person tell you that it doesn't hurt so bad to go through a divorce, or that children are totally clueless or unaffected by it. It's even worse when the one thing that's keeping your parents together is also one thing that they're splitting up about.

I was suddenly wishing I could spend the night at the Cullens' house. I made sure that my CD player was going to go through all the CDs in there and I began to pack. When I'd packed, I pulled the screen out of my window and climbed out. Luckily my mom had put those vine thingies on the side of the house so I could close my window (it took a while) but I managed it. Then I went to the spare car that my dad had. It was an Impala and it was our spare because my aunt had dropped it off while she went on a vacation to Fiji.

FIJI!

So I climbed in and remembered I'd forgotten to bring any form of liscence at all!

Then I shrugged, why did I care? I backed out and decided I would go carefully and if a police car went by I'd be extra careful to look like a driver who was old enough to be out at this time of night and travel without a parent.

I dialed my mom's number on my cell, knowing that she'd have it turned off.

"Mom, it's Avril, I went to a friend's house. Don't worry about me. I've got everything. Bye." I hung up and concentrated.

Another freaky thing about me was that I could find things if I concentrated on one aspect of it. The clearest thing in my mind was Alice's odd scent. So I concentrated on that and before I knew it I was pulling up in front of the Cullen's house.

I knocked on the door and when it opened, I avoided making eye contact with the man. That never really helps but it does postpone the headache and vision. "Hi, I'm Avril, I was wondering if I could stay the night here."

"I'm Carlisle Cullen," he held out his hand and I shook it. "Please come in."


	5. Doctor Cullen

Author's Note: Thanks to all who reviewed! Yes, Gen Bellamy Ennis, I have heard the band Muse! They're great and may be making a debut in this story in the next chapter. Maybe.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not a single thing that you read. I don't own "Amazing Grace", Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, or anything by Homer. Ok? I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! There, that's over with.

Chapter Five

Doctor Cullen

I stepped across the threshold, avoiding rubbing my hand on my jeans because his hand was so cold!! Edward sat at a grand piano, his fingers scaling the ivory keys and without any effort coaxed such a lovely melody from the instrument that my jaw hit the floor. It was impossible for me to not recognize the song that he was playing.

Alice was sitting on the couch singing along, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found…twas blind, but now I see!" She looked up at me and smiled, "Hello, Avril!"

"Hi, Alice…" I looked down at the floor, embarrassed. "I don't mean to intrude but…"

Edward turned from the piano and still continued to play, "It's all right, Avril. Have a seat."

I took one step towards the couch when it struck me. Blinded, I fell to the ground and I heard shouts in a foreign language. I couldn't understand it. Images of a crucifix, teeth sinking into flesh they burned into my eyes…the smell of rotting vegetables filled my nose. A horrible agony as horrible as the one I'd experienced when I'd seen Edward's past consumed me. I screamed out in agony.

Other images came as the pain faded. Water…deer…a hunger for something I could not describe. A trio of men as beautiful as angels laughing and speaking yet another tongue I didn't recognize. Then a thousand people it seemed like in a small ward, _"How are you today, Miss Elizabeth?"_ Brilliant green eyes _"SAVE HIM! What others cannot do, you must do for my Edward."_

And the strangest thing was-as the image of Elizabeth and her Edward faded into something else entirely I saw a black book rather like a journal.

After the images stopped I noticed a cool hand on my arm. Emmett was watching me with a worried look. Jasper stood over Alice.

Carlisle was the one who caught my eye though. He was checking my pulse. His index and middle fingers rested on the inside of my wrist, his topaz eyes on his watch. "Are you all right?" a touch of an English accent filtered through his voice.

"Yes…" I gasped, "I'm fine."

"I'm so glad, you scared us, sweetheart," a melodic tone for a voice filled my ears. It hurt my head. I winced and turned to see the newcomer. She had long billows of caramel hair and topaz eyes. I fought against the sarcasm that lodged in my throat, 'what, did they have a special on topaz eyes?' It was odd, I knew that they weren't related but the similarities were so _obvious_ it made me curious as to why it was that way. "I'm Esme," she introduced herself. Carlisle watched me as I shut my eyes.

"Would you care for some asprin?"

"Not yet," I managed though I was certain my body would welcome the painkillers with open arms. And no, the pun was not intended. I opened my eyes and looked at the safest thing in the room-the ceiling. "You aren't surprised to see me here?"

"Alice saw you coming," Jasper informed me.

Oh great, so Alice saw the future, I saw the past. What a pair! I tried to sit up but then the most joyful thing happened. Yes, that's sarcasm. Esme's past filled my senses. And the agony remained. Why did they share the agony? Why were these the only instances of such horrendous pain and why were they so close together? Coincidence? I was pretty damn sure it wasn't.

Bella took pity on me, "I'll show you where you can stay," she took my hand and led me out of the room.

It was close to two in the morning and I awoke. I sat up and then lay back down. I couldn't sleep so I got up and began to wander around. I found a room that seemed to just whisper my name. Unable to stand the temptation I opened the door and wandered to where the siren lured me.

A large mahogany desk sat near the door. The wooden cross I'd seen was there, as were a few portraits of people I'd seen. But that wasn't what I was interested in. Row after row of bookshelves stocked with volumes…

I was in heaven!! I grabbed the light on the desk and found an outlet. I plugged it in. I turned it on and the bright light hurt my eyes. But I didn't care. My fingers trailed over the books reverently and I found one that sounded interesting. I pulled it from its place and sat down by the lamp.

_In the world of fantasy and myths the vampire is one of the most argued about. Do they burn in the sun? Do they drink blood or steal souls? Do they turn into bats?_

I continued reading into the early morning when I heard, "I'm sure it's nothing, Esme, though I do remember turning the lights off in my office."

I looked at the book and prepared to shut it when I caught sight of-

_similiarities agreed upon include color changing eyes, super strength and speed, pale skin, no heart beat-_

And a picture of a man drawn with black eyes. The drawing was inhumanly beautiful and I suddenly felt as if someone was watching me.

I glanced around and saw Carlisle standing over me. I hadn't even heard the door open and when I looked at the doorway it was still swinging shut. The rims of Carlisle's eyes were black and I freaked.

I suppose I should've been embarrassed at being discovered snooping but what I'd read combined with his eyes and the fact that he FIT the description made me go insane.

So I did what any insane person who was completely freaked would do. I screamed.

Whoops. He cringed a bit and his family suddenly flooded the door way. "I'm not crazy," I muttered, "I'm just spooked," I hissed to myself.

"What are you spooked about?" asked Esme. I stared at her, floored. I myself had barely been able to hear my litany. Then she made a face and I realized she knew what I thought.

"I don't believe in vampires," I hissed over and over.

Edward's fist tightened. I closed my eyes and opened them again. "You have a very interesting library, Mr. Cullen," I told Carlisle, "but a lot seems to dwell on the occult." I shook my head, "I would've assumed you to be more of _The Odyssey_ or _The Iliad_."

Carlisle's face was set in stone. Alice was the only one smiling. The rational part of my mind denied the existence of vampires but the irrational kept screaming out evidence. I sighed, "Look, this is going to sound totally whacked, blame it on lack of sleep if you will…but are you vampires?"

They didn't deny it and I reached out to touch Alice's forearm. I felt around her wrist.

_No goddamn pulse._ Her skin was freezing and she smiled encouragingly at me.

I screamed again and looked towards the doorway. They all blocked it. Then I saw a window and hurried over to it, cranking it open. Gauging the distance I prepared to jump.

"No!" Esme cried, "It's too far!"

I glared at her, "Better than being eaten!" I snapped. "You aren't going to eat me without a fight."

Jasper took a step forward, hands raised. "Stay back! I want to keep my fear, jerk!" I sat on the edge and readied myself to push off. "If you erase my fear I'll know I'm crazy!" Jasper touched my shoulder and pulled me inside. I kicked out at him with all my strength.

And when my foot hit I screamed in utter pain. I heard the sickening snap of my bone.

Dazed, I felt slightly ill. Panic fled and I remembered Jasper's presence.

"Edward, get her in the car, I need to get to the hospital to patch her leg up." Carlisle's voice came loud and clear. Edward lifted me up in his arms and for a moment I had the slight thought that most girls would die to break their legs and be in his arms. He chuckled as the thought passed my brain.

Then I passed out.


	6. A Way Out

Author's Note: This isn't the last chapter. This is the penultimate chapter. I hope you understand what the title means now. Thanks to all my reviewers! It's really cool to get stuff in my e-mail that aren't advertisements :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the following: Muse, Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse, Wal-Mart, The Outsiders, or anything. I own nothing!!! Lyrics belong to Muse, Wal-Mart belongs to...well, Wal-Mart. Characters (except Avril) belong to Stephenie Meyer, Johnny Cade and Dallas Winston belong to S. E. Hinton. If there's anything I missed-well, I don't own that either. If I did, there are a few changes I'd make.

Chapter Six

A Way Out?

The car ride was fast and comfortable. Well, as comfortable as it could be when you're in pain. I concentrated on the only thing safe in the car-I was surrounded by VAMPIRES. Either that or I was delirious and would wake up in my bed going-weird…cool, but weird. Just like after that dream of having a ninja showdown with broomsticks in the middle of Wal-Mart. What was that about anyway? Although…I must admit, I really kicked ass in that dream! But the only thing safe in that car was the music.

_Declare this an emergency_

_Come on and spread a sense of urgency_

_and pull us through_

_and pull us through_

_and this is the end_

_this is the end of the world_

Oh, the irony.

_it's time we saw a miracle_

_come on it's time for something biblical_

_to pull us through_

_and pull us through_

_and this is the end_

_this is the end of the world_

_proclaim eternal victory_

_come on and change the course of history_

_and pull us through_

_and pull us through_

_and this is the end _

_this is the end of the world_

Muse, "Apocalypse Please". It was one of my favorite songs. Although, to be honest, I think I just like to say "Apocalypse".

We pulled up to the hospital and Edward lifted me out of the car and carried me to Carlisle's area and set me down on the couch/bed thing that's always in doctor's offices. The paper crinkled beneath me and Carlisle set my leg.

I admit I swore at him. Called him a few nasty names, but he just took it in stride and didn't say anything really about what I was feeling until he got out the stuff to make the cast. "Blue, pink, red, white, or green?"

"White," I rolled my eyes as he handed me a bottle of water and some pain killers. I swallowed them and watched as he wrapped my leg. When it was set he went out to get me a set of crutches and I stole a sharpie marker from his tabletop. When he returned I held it out, "Wanna sign?"

He laughed and signed his name and a small 'get well' note. "Sorry, I freaked out on you," I said. I couldn't believe this-I was having an actual conversation with a vampire? But at the same time, I was like, so what? You did this before you knew.

He smiled, "It's understandable, and no, we're not going to drink your blood. We're vegetarians."

I must have looked skeptical or confused because he explained what that meant. I frowned at that but accepted it.

He looked up at me as he scribbled down something on my medical chart. "Alice tells me you're dying."

I snorted, "We're born dying."

He nodded, "That's true…but have you lived?"

I looked at him, incredulous, "Just who are you to talk? You're the walking dead!"

"Don't you mean, 'living' dead?" I scowled, I hate that phrase, it's a paradox and it's very annoying to me.

"No, walking dead, animated corpse, whatever," I shrugged and looked at the cast. "This is great, just great…" I pondered the whole 'dying' and 'broken leg' thing. Both suck, but together they're just plain rotten. To put it mildly. I looked up at him, suddenly angry, "Who in the world gave you the right to live forever? Why do you get blessed with immortality?!"

He looked at me sadly. "What's one man's blessing is another man's curse."

"Don't quote shit to me!"

"I wasn't aware I was quoting."

Well, I actually didn't know if he was quoting, I know there's the whole 'what's one man's treasure is another man's trash' thing but this was different. So did it count? I glared at him. "What did you trade?" I asked.

He understood what I meant, "Humanity…food…we became monsters until we mastered the lust for blood."

"That doesn't sound like too much of a trade-you never have a shortage of food, you never have to worry about putting it on the table-you don't even USE the table!"

He chuckled and set the folder aside. I grabbed his ice cold arm, "You can save me," I hissed.

He looked at me, his eyes startled. Had he truly never thought of it? "You can save me, you saved them, why won't you save me?!" My plea suddenly became a rant, "Is there a prerequisite? Do you have to be beautiful? Do you have to have an IQ above genius? Why? I don't want to die, do you hear me? I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" I screamed, suddenly irate. I tore the paper on the examination table and sat there ripping what I'd torn off to shreds. "I'm too young to die," I said looking at him. " I don't want to be a Johnny Cade or Dally Winston and die young! Maybe I want to be evil-'only the good die young'," I quoted.

"Avril…this isn't-"

"It is too what I want! I want to live! I want to live even if I have to die to do it!" Wait, _what_ did I just say?

"Avril…it's painful-"

"So what? Is it more painful than breaking your leg? More painful than the agony I've felt when I see your past?"

"It is the agony." Oh…that was…pretty bad…but I could take it!

I squeezed his arm tighter, hoping to make him see what I wanted. Instead he removed my hand, "Don't make me have to set your fingers as well."

Damn it! I swore in my thoughts. He watched me as I fumed and then turned back to him.

"You know…I wouldn't really be giving up much. My parents are getting a divorce so I won't miss them. I'm going to die anyway, it's not like I'd be missing my life."

Carlisle studied me, "You're dead serious?"

I laughed at his unintended pun. "Yes, I am."

He excused himself and I sat there, wallowing in misery.

* * *

He came back in, "They've voted and they want you to join our family. Are you sure this is what you want?"

I flung my hair back from my neck, "I'm sure."

Instead of biting my neck, he took my arm in his hands and sank his sharp teeth into my skin.


	7. Epilogue

Author's Note: This is the end guys. I'll explain the whole "Thanatopsis" now: Thanatopsis, 'meditation on death' is really what this is. Avril has to choose how she'll die and a lot of the end/beginning of her life is focused on her death. Simple, easy...there we go. Thanks to my reviewers, I'd say something like you allow me to buy a nice car-but I'm not making any money off this...which ties in with...

Disclaimer! Ha, is this not the best part of a fan fiction? The part where the fan bows down to the author/creator of the story and says: I don't own anything. Well, here goes: I don't own anything. Nothing nada! Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, places, and all that. I own nothing!!! Well, that's over with. Enjoy! This is the end...

Epilogue

It's been nearly a year since I was turned into a vampire. Hell, yes it hurt. But I'm not sorry I did it. The search for me finished two months ago and I'm not on the 'have you seen this child' boards. Terminal cancer + missing for over ten monthsdead child, no hope. Sad, but true. I've managed to keep my hunger under control-it's great having Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and Edward there to help me. They're the greatest.

Edward parked the car just outside of La Push in Washington. Several people balked when they saw us but we continued our trek through. I didn't know exactly where I was heading but Bella seemed to be in a hurry. We reached a house and sitting on the ground with a wrench in his hands was an old man. He looked to be in his early 80s, but obviously was a dedicated mechanic.

"Jake! Still at it?" Bella cried.

The man turned around, "Bella? Bella Swan?" He reached out and hugged her. Then he looked at Edward. "Edward," he nodded.

"Jacob," they greeted each other as if they were friendly enemies. I wondered for a moment why and then it hit me. I saw everything from Jake and Edward and Bella's past. My lips parted in surprise. It never hurt anymore.

"Jake, this is Avril," Bella introduced us. I held my hand out, then realized I should've gone slowly-the speed was a weird thing for me. He grinned, and shook my hand.

"Any friend of Bella's is a friend of mine."

And that was true…it had taken a while, that I knew, but he and Edward and the Cullens/Hales had worked out their differences.

"Um…this is nice, meeting you, but," I looked at Edward who read my unfinished sentence.

"We're home, Avril, we're home."


End file.
